children I would never have had such a beautiful little girl.  I would never have been given the gift of four beautiful children.

        I believe that coping emotionally happens in phases.  I am sure though that the phases vary for each individual.  As no miscarriage is the same, neither is each person’s coping.  We are all individual and we all cope individually.  I began my coping by trying to drink away the anger and pain.  The day I got home from the hospital my parents and in-laws came over and we drank margaritas all night long.  This didn’t make it better or more bearable.  It just made me numb.  This didn’t benefit me because at some point I had to face reality.  That moment came quickly the next morning after margaritas, which was only day two after the miscarriage, Sean and I had to drive to the funeral home to make arrangements.  This made me extremely angry.  I have never been so angry in my life.  I was angry at everything and everyone.  I could have sat in a cave on a couch with my pajamas on, a TV, comfy blanket and I would have been content.  However, this would not have helped me either.  Life goes on all around you.  Sitting in a cave was not going to allow me to heal.  It would not allow me to find out what went wrong.  It would not give me the reassurance that everything was going to be OK and this won’t happen again.  So back to square one, drinking didn’t help and sitting alone in my own cave wouldn’t help.  So where do I go from here?

        I leaned on Sean to the best of my ability.  I say to the best of my ability because I am not a person to share my feelings.  I normally deal with things on my own in my own way.  But this time I didn’t have the strength to do that.  So I talked to Sean.  Told him how I felt, cried with him, drank with him and we spent allot of money.

        Sharing my feelings with Sean completely was something new for me.  I can’t express enough how much this helped me and our

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